Karmically, I know we've worked hard over the past four years to keep her at home as long as possible; it was draining, but I honestly believe I was able to provide exemplary care as her primary caretaker, and Wifey worked her butt off to pick up the slack on the financial end as I had less opportunities for consulting over the past year and a half.  Almost as if a switch was turned on, I received a call from a company I consult through: they had a client who was explicitly requesting my services for a three day training course out of state.

In addition, I've got several writing projects that I will now have time to properly pursue -- two collaborations (one sci-fi, and one sci-fi/fantasy), plus a couple short stories and my own fiction writing.  The two collaborations and one short story will take precedence over most other writing; they, too, coincidentally started just as we began to approach different nursing homes and realized that the time had come to put Mumsie into a safer, 24-hour caregiving facility.

Life is changing, and my wife and I -- married four years, and having spent all of that time watching over her mom -- are finally beginning to emerge from the shell we've been in.  Mumsie had been functional, hiding her slowly accelerating illness fairly well until a few months before Wifey and I got married. Then, she suffered a precipitous drop in perception, cognition, memory and physical stamina and dexterity. Wifey and I put our plans to get a place to live nearby on hold, and I moved in with them.

Over the past few days, Mumsie has struggled to remember something that she wanted to tell Wifey; she appeared to know that a change was coming, and has talked often about leaving us -- sometimes, to go back to her mom, who she misses. She's made it an explicit point on many occassions to thank me for all I've done for her, even tho she can't remember a lot of it; heck, she probably can't remember any of it, other than the fact that I've been around nearly all the time lately for the past few years. I helped her get up in the morning, wash and dress, have breakfast and go to her "club" (adult daycare), meet her when she comes home and keep her busy until dinner. Wifey would generally take over for a little while then, and help Mumsie to bed. I'd come in and check on her at least once in the middle of the night, every night, and pull her covers back up over her. If she'd gotten up and wandered out of her room, I'd be the one to catch her and put her to bed, sometimes after giving her a cup of tea and a cookie.

Tonight, there's nobody in her room for me to check upon.

The big dog, confused that Mumsie isn't here, has examined her room multiple times; he's on the floor behind me now, wondering if I'll be heading out at 3 am as has become habit -- I've had virtual insomnia for the past couple months, unable to sleep because I always knew when Mumsie would be getting up and getting lost or that she'd need me to pull her blankets up for her. During those times, I'd be unable to get back to sleep without disturbing Wifey, who gets little enough sleep and has to be up by 2:30 some mornings, and 4:30 on others. To tire myself out, I'd either go for a walk or a drive. Jack -- our new malamute -- would usually accompany me.

Tonight, I'll awake as usual when Wifey's up and getting ready; I'll join her for a cup of coffee, 'cuz caffeine only serves to calm me down and put me to sleep now. When she goes off to her bleary-eyed morning, I'll return to sleep, wrapped in fuzzy comfort by the two dogs, and I'll probably automatically awaken in time to wake Mumsie...who is no longer here, and no longer in my charge. I'll know she's ok, and that she's in good hands; I'll probably putter a little to let the excess mental "wake up" processes calm, then -- finally -- get some sleep.

Tomorrow starts a new day.

I'll call to ensure that she had a good night and that the morning went ok, but won't visit until Wifey can accompany me in the afternoon. Hopefully, Mumsie will begin to adjust smoothly, and all our lives will continue along their new paths, opening new vistas and providing interesting journeys.

Just thought I'd share that with you all.  

Peace.